17 May Bad Dating Advice
by Jordan Harbinger
Yeah, yeah, we know — no one needs to give you any advice about dating. Get real. Not only does nearly anyone need a little advice about dating, you?re probably already getting advice about dating, and most of it sucks. Not to fear. Your pals at The Art of Charm have come through to tell you what advice to avoid. If you’re doing any of this, you need to talk to us ASAP about doing things the right way.
Trying Too Hard To Be Creative
When you try too hard to be zany, wacky or original, you don’t come across that way. You basically come across as either a weirdo or a total dick. We get that asking a girl if “she comes here often” isn’t a great icebreaker, but the great icebreakers are beautiful because they’re simple. Stay away from being too witty or edgy and just try and engage her in conversation.
Don’t do this. They call it “negging” in the pickup-artist culture and it’s probably the worst piece of advice they give out. If you know anything about pickup-artists you know that “worst piece of advice” is a pretty tall order. This is a great way to meet tons of girls with daddy issues who are going to burn your house to the ground the second you start treating them as a human being and not a masturbation toy. If that’s what you’re into, go for it, dude. Everyone else should steer clear and concentrate on giving sincere and understated compliments.
Playing on Her Emotions
No one likes to be messed with. Well, hold the phone, some people like to be messed with. They’re crazy. Avoid them. Don’t draw them to you by engaging the irrationally emotional side of a woman. Engage her heart and her mind and you?ll go far, whether you’re looking for casual sex or a long term relationship.
The problem with this is, it only works once. That is to say, unless you can remember everything you lied about better than she can (you can’t), you’re eventually going to be in some seriously deep shit. Stick to the truth. One thing your mom was right about — honesty is the best policy.
Taking Dating Advice From Women
Look, we don’t think women are stupid or out to sabotage you or anything else like that. You can get great advice from women on a number of subjects, including bouncing ideas about things going on with a long term partner off of them. But dating advice from women invariably comes with two insurmountable problems:
- Virtually every girl you know is a relative, former friend-with-benefits, former girlfriend, or some chick you have unresolved sexual or romantic feelings for (admit it).
- Women are different, but they tend to think the way they feel about things is the way all women feel about things.
- Women are usually pretty skilled when it comes to explaining what they think they should want in a relationship, and pretty clueless when it comes to detailing what they actually respond to. Don’t believe me? Ask the girl who dates jerk after jerk what she looks for in a man and you’re certain to hear something that includes words like “compliments,” “thoughtfulness” and “flowers.”
Ditch The Bad Advice
Compiling a full list of bad dating advice would take an encyclopedia, not an article. These are some of the number-one offenders on the market today, however. Any time you catch yourself doing these, take a minute to examine your game. It’s probably not as great as you think it is. If that’s the case, think about calling in the professionals.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.pickuppodcast.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.